Fighting A Spanking? - Updated

** The update is the last two paragraphs at the bottom. :)

The Duke announced a spanking today. A maintenance one. For about a week and a half we've been sick, though not together, mind you, he had been sick and then I got it. So our twice weekly maintenance got skipped twice. The Duke also stepped back from being an HoH a bit. Not completely, but enough that I was starting to feel a bit adrift last night. I guess it showed, because the Duke said today, me having a cold or not, I was going to be spanked to help settle me.

I won't lie, I DIDN'T WANT ONE. I am so busy today, and didn't even mean to blog, but feel I have to get all these things out.

I admitted to him, respectfully, that I would rather not have one. I had a cake to bake for a party tonight, and I wasn't in the mood. He told me I could put my cake in the oven, but I WAS getting the spanking. So he he got the pan out for me, greased and floured it via my instructions. Then gave me a few minutes to finish up. I went to the bedroom, I didn't want to. But I went.

I climbed over his lap, getting a bit cheeky and saying I was going over without complaint, but I protested to doing so. ;) He said that was okay, as long as I obeyed.

Now, before we talk about fighting a spanking, I want to make sure everyone who reads this understands first. In Domestic Discipline, it only works if it is something BOTH people want. If one is against being spanked, and does not agree to Domestic Discipline, and is still spanked, that is abuse. Plain and Simple. In this post, we talk about two consenting adults, where in their marriage they decide one person needs to step up and be the leader to help end chaos, or make their marriage stronger. Spanking is often used as a tool to help enforce this authority, and both partners agree, willingly, to this.

So, my spanking this morning, and my want at first to fight it, has me thinking. I hope none of this comes across as judgemental, because my want here really is to help. But I've been thinking about some women who say it is their right to fight a spanking if they feel it is unfair, or if they don't want one, or if they're not in the mood, or if their HoH hasn't been consistent lately. I get all of those. I really do.

But there is a question we have to sit down and ask ourselves. - What do we really want in this dynamic? Being a submissive means giving up the right to have things our way every time. There are going to be times we have to do things we don't want to do. There are going to be times we want to fight and complain, but need to give in, and realize that following our husbands is better.

There is something that needs to be considered when you want to fight a spanking. A few things actually.

I won't make this too long, I promise. :)

When we fight a spanking, we first of all tell our husbands that we don't trust their judgement.  We say we don't trust them to do what is right.  We don't trust them to do what he feels/thinks is best.  We don't trust them to know when to stop. In doing so, we undermind their confidence and their leadership. They're human, they will make mistakes. But be honest, which would you rather? Him always questioning to death every spanking first, and therefore be wrong and not spank you when you definitely need it a lot of the times, or have him be confident, still wrong once in a while but this time spank you from time to time when you don't need it? Sadly, that may be your choice. I chose the second. I want my husband to be confident, if that means a few spankings I don't need or deserve, so be it. I'll get over it. :)  That's much better to me than having a husband that is so afraid of making a mistake he never reacts.  I want to build him up, he is so beautiful when he is confident. - and I am so ashamed when I shake that in him.

Another thing is that when we refuse a spanking, we are refusing their authority. We're going against the very foundation we wished to build. Brick by brick, each fight tears down that fortress we have built together. When we fight, we're trying to keep, or take back, the very control we told them we wanted to hand over. Most of us women went to our husbands and asked for this lifestyle, some even had to right out beg. Yet, at the mention of a spanking, the fighting starts? Our actions can't go against our words. If they do, no wonder so many of our men are confused. To them, if we really wanted this lifestyle, we wouldn't put them into a position where they had to force us to accept something they're already struggling to give us, especially at the first.

I don't fight a spanking now, or I really try hard not to, I'll have to ask the Duke if I've done any fighting lately, and if I have, if I've gotten any better at not fighting. But my heart is in a place now to accept. Is it always easy? No, times like today it was the last thing I wanted to be doing. But we needed it. I needed to more submissive again, and he needed to start flexing his dom muscles again after this week of being sick. Spanking brings us closer. I choose to let it be a time I show my respect to him and his authority. I chose a while ago that I was going to stop tearing the Duke down with my fighting, and start building him up.

Maybe next time, if you struggle with fighting, you can give it a try, see what happens if you go over his lap, or over the bed, willingly. :)  The results might just surprise you. :)

Anyway, all this is going through my head today, and I just felt I had to share it. The last advice post I gave turned out to be very loved, so hopefully I did not go too far in this one either.

- The Duke's Deductions:

Hi Guys,
I am really proud of EsMay for being able to admit this, and being able to understand this. I definitely notice that she has gotten a lot better at taking spankings when I can tell she does not want to. She is lot more willing now than she used to be, and not fighting against it as much when I tell her that I feel it is time for a spanking.
The DD dynamic can be a tricky one to navigate sometimes. As EsMay mentioned, this is consensual. This is something both parties agree to and want. This is not something the HoH forces on their partner, I feel that would be abuse if it was not agreed to. Now, because of that it can sometimes be difficult to judge if EsMay is just fighting a spanking because she just doesn't like the pain of a spanking, or if she is doing it because she feels I am being abusive in some way. Also, at times like this when I have been sick or there have been other life events getting in the way and I have missed spanking for a week or two, if EsMay tells me that I have been inconsistent or have not been fair, it can really sting. That it turn can make me lose confidence in myself as an HoH. However, as you can see, if I had been consistent all along, if I had made DD a priority over other concerns, than this would be less of a problem in the first place. However, it does come down to both partners being willing to take their role, even if they may not necessarily feel like it at the time. The Husband needs to realize they have to be firm, be consistent, and not allow the wife to get away with things. The wife on the other hand also needs to be submissive, to be willing to accept punishments, to treat their HoH with respect and not talk back.  Anyway, thank you EsMay for writing on such an interesting topic.

 ** EsMay again - just a p.s. to this post.  I realized in the comments I may not have been quite clear.  I don't mean not to put a stop if the spanking shouldn't happen now.  There are many reasons I spanking just cannot happen at the moment.  Unnatural fear, HoH out of control with anger, or out of control for any reason, children are about, and so on.  The HoH might want to spank, but you're seeing a reason it really needs to wait.  That does happen for us too. 

In this post we are talking about fighting a spanking just because you don't want to happen, for reasons like, it will hurt, or you don't want to be punished even when you know you should be, and things like that.  I'll write a more clarifying post tomorrow as it's well after midnight and I'm tired.  But I do definitely see the need to stop a spanking at times, but this is not what this post was about.  Sorry about the confusion.