UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

A Spankso

Tess, over at Rules to Love By, wrote a wonderful post a few weeks ago that has got me thinking about the Duke and I.

She wrote about how hard it can be in a DD relationship at times to tell if you are a Spanko or a Spankno.  Many of us are not fans of spanking, and if we are, it's usually the playful, sexy ones.  But usually we are not fans of the punishment ones.  Many of us dread being in trouble, dread the beating our behinds will get when we tell our husbands of a rule we broke, or forbid, they find out before we can tell them.  We hate that we broke a rule, disappointed our husbands, hurt them, made them question our ability to follow their directions, and worst of all, make them question if they are even worthy to lead.  We sit, we worry, we don't want this spanking, we don't want to be held down or told to stay in place, we don't feel ready for the flood of different emotions we'll face, and we definitely don't want the pain that at times makes us break down into inconsolable tears, pain so deep we might feel it for days.

BUT... we also want the spankings, we want the reset, we want the break from guilt, we want the realignment that happens in our marriages, the role affirmation, the reminder that our husbands love us too much to let us wrestle with this or that alone, and that after it is all done, we will be sitting in their arms, being loved upon and cherished.  We want all the beauty this lifestyle has brought us.  We want the closeness we've developed that many of us have missed since our dating days.  We want the sense of freedom and playfulness that now invades even the funniest places in our lives.  We want the joy we only ever dreamed of before.

So where does that leave us?  I made a joke at the time when reading Tess' blog that since I was neither, I would start calling myself a Spankso.  But you know what, the longer I think about it, the more I realized this is true.

Before reading her post, I never once thought about if I was a Spankno or a Spanko, I just got spanked, it was what worked for us.  But now, the line I meant as a joke really seems to fit me, seems to fit about how I feel about the lifestyle we're living. 

This is what I've learned.

I am spanked so the Duke realizes the leadership he has in our home.
I am spanked so the Duke realizes his authority in our marriage.
I am spanked so that our marriaged works.
I am spanked so that we can find the balance in our relationship.
I am spanked so I learn to be submissive.
I am spanked so that I learn to follow the Duke.
I am spanked so I remember to not consider my needs alone.
I am spanked so I can be strong because I find strength in the Duke.
I am spanked so I can forgive myself for wrongs I've done, because guilt often consumes me.
I am spanked so the Duke can remind me I don't have to worry about pleasing others, just him.
I am spanked so that I can break down walls and let the Duke in more.
I am spanked so I can cry when I can't seem to be able to on my own.
I am spanked so that I am shown I don't have to go it alone.
I am spanked so I remember to show respect, to the Duke, but also others.
I am spanked so that I remember to love myself.
I am spanked so that I remember to take care of myself.
I am spanked so I learn to be more safe and act less dangerouly.
I am spanked so that I learn not to take my temper out on others.
I am spanked so I can find release when I am going crazy.
I am spanked so I can find that peace I find across the Duke's lap.
I am spanked so that I can be the very best I can be.

And the list just goes on and on. 

I too can't say I'm a Spankno, or a Spanko.

So from now on, if I feel I ever need to say which I am, I'm going with Spankso.

I am spanked so that my marriage works.  And that works for me. 

I've never fit into a mold anywhere else, why should I now?  I'm rebuilding the mold to fit me. :)

26 comments:

  1. Great post! I love that you are rebuilding the mold to fit you! I think it is so important to focus on what works for your own marriage. :)

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    1. Thank you, Kim. This is the great thing about DD, I'm really learning that it is what works best for us. So many books have this ten step plan, but we've always found that one or two of the steps helped, but were we weird that the others didn't? Nope. :) We're just us. :) And that's just great. :)

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  2. This is a wonderful post Es May. That is such a great list of reasons. I'm glad you've found something that explains what you need it to ;)

    Callie

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    1. Thank you, Callie. At first I felt kind of silly writing the list, felt it might be annoying for people to read. I'm glad I was wrong. :)

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  3. Hi Esmay

    Great post. I think it sums it up about why spankings happen in some marriages. I can relate to a lot of what you said.

    Changing the mold to fit you is a great idea x

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    1. Thank you, Missy. :) I did realize after I wrote it that I should mention about good spankings too. :) They don't happen much here, but I didn't want to sound like I was agains them either. lol. And thank you... I guess I never defined myself before because I did need to make my own mold. I all the sudden feel freer, more empowered to just be me.

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  4. Hi Es May,

    This is such an excellent post. I love 'spankso' and your list of reasons to be spanked is excellent. As Missy said, I think it sums it up beautifully.

    I love that you are rebuilding the mold to fit you and I love your sentence "I am spanked so that my marriage works". Doesn't that say it all?

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Hi, Roz. :) You know, it does say it all. My marriage is so much better for this change. I haven't "felt" this in love with my husband for years. Our marriage was coming apart. He felt safe, as long as I wasn't having a bad day and yellig at him, and I felt neglected. Now, we really are happy. We really are so glad to be together every single day. And thank you, I'm glad the list made sense. :)

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  5. Great post Es May

    I loved the list of reasons why you get spanked I wish i could print it and put it on the refrig for Bobbie but her dad would freak if he read it.
    You created a new word how cool is that. Remember us when you get famous with that word doing all the talk shows.
    I also like how you are rebuilding the mold to fit you I like that saying.

    Bob

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    1. I really was unsure of my list, I am glad it made sense. :) Maybe you could print it for her wallet, or bedside table? ;) LOL, I am not sure it is a word that will catch on, but it really has helped me see more into how our marriage works. :) And thank you, I didn't realize how profound it sounds to talk about the mold fitting me. I guess I do sometimes think smart. ;)

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  6. Hooray!! I just knew your new term would be a hit:) When you left that comment, what you said really resonated and just clicked for me. We are spanksos...spanked because it makes our marriages stronger, plain and simple:)

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    1. Hehehe, Thank you, Tess. :) I'm glad too that you don't mind my having mentioned you. :) I am glad that it resonated with you too. It has done the same for me, has really stuck in my head and I've really appreciated how it made me think things over. Spanked so our marriages are stronger, plain and simple. And that is SO true. :)

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  7. Those are some good reasons for spanking in your life/marriage. You're going to coin a new phrase "spankso" just like Stormy coined the "spankno"!

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    1. Thank you, Christina. :) Did not realize that about Stormy. That is really cool. :) Not sure mine will catch on, it's just what works for us. :) There were so many good reasons I could have shared, but I wanted people to still come back and read this blog and not be bored to death afterwards. LOL

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  8. Your list is great. I think it will help explain to some people why they feel the way they do.

    love, willie

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    1. I hadn't thought of that when I was writing it, but it woudl be really cool if it could help someone out there. Thank you, Willie.

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  9. I love it! I now have a label lol. That post Tess wrote described me to a T, it feels good to know we aren't alone. ;)

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    1. Spankso Betsy. I can see it. ;) It is good to know we aren't alone. :) Gives a feelings of being understood and not being too far gone off the rails. hehe

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  10. Spankso! That is perfect, I love it. And I love the reasons youlisted for why you get spanked. Great post!

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    1. Thank you, Kenzie, I am glad you liked it. :)

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  11. Awesome post... so perfect! Great list of reasons and I am sure many of us can relate.

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    1. Hello K, not sure I have seen you around. Welcome to my blog. :) And thank you, I am glad so many people liked this post. :)

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  12. This is a marvelous list, Es May. I can identify with so many of them. And with the fact that yes, I am spanked because he loves me enough.

    (((hugs)))

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    1. June, thank you, it was what I really felt. I could have added to the list, but I felt it ended at a good place to get my point across. :)

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  13. I hope you don't mind - I copied and pasted your list into Word and then every place you mention your Man's name...I inserted my Man's name. We have a leather bench at the base of our bed with a hinged top for storage. It's my spanking bench, and I taped the list to the inside of the lid. I'm literally wiggling in my seat in excitement to watch his face when he next opens the bench to get out the crop he uses. Es May, thank you!

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    1. I am so sorry, I thought I replied to this, but in going back, I see that I haven't. I don't mind at all. I think it is great if this list can help anyone else out there. :) If you get to see this, I'd love to hear how he took the list. :) :)

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Please feel free to leave any comments, but I do ask you to be kind. We go into this with eyes wide open after months of prayer, and a peace in our hearts that this is the right choice before God for our marriage. I am open to questions from those who wonder why we made this choice, but I would ask for no personal attacks. Thank you. :)

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